Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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