I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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