Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
