The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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