You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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