She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
