I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
