Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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