I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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