we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
