Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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