She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
