who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
