how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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