Are we in a gay sports bar?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
