fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
