I wanna passion pit in your ass
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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