Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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