My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
