Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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