I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize