Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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