I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's like iHOP with fire
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
