i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
