Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
