i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick