I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?