I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.