Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.