Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.