i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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