Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize