Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
