me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
