I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
