I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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