wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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