He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
