im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
