She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
