This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wanna go halves on a baby?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize