I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
