I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
