we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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