this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
