you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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