well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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