I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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