How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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