It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
