I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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