Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
