Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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