Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you will always have a special place in my vag
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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