How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
