I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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