I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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