so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
