You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize