I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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