my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
