True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
