In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
