Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize