JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Randomize
